A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentlemen, “What do you do to get your tomatoes red?”
The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”
The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?”
“No” she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”
***
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom’s best man takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replied the man “when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking.”
“Oh, you shouldn’t worry about that too much,” said his friend. “I’m sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can’t expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!”
The groom nodded gently and said, “I don’t know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!”
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