A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!”
The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But sir,” he says, “this check is only made out for $100.”
“That’s right,” says the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.”
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the manager.
“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.”
***
These two little boys are sitting in the living room, watching TV with their parents. The mother looks over at the father with a wink and a nod toward upstairs. The father “gets” the message, and they both get up and head towards the stairs. The mother turns back to the two boys and says, “We’re going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV. We’ll be right back, OK?”
The two boys nod OK, and the parents take off upstairs. The oldest of the two boys is old enough to know what’s going on now, and he gets up and tiptoes upstairs. At the top of the stairs, he peeks into his mom and dad’s room and shakes his head. Back downs downstairs he goes to his little brother. “Come with me,” he says. The two little boys tiptoe up the stairs. Halfway up, the older brother turns to his brother and says, “Now, I want you to keep in mind, this is the same woman who used to bust our ass for sucking our thumb!
***
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she’s driving a car.
As she’s going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, “Excuse me ma’am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver’s license?”
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again.
Again, the same old man jumps out a room and says, “Excuse me ma’am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?”
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man’s room again he jumps out. This time he’s stark naked and has an erection!
The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says, “Oh no, not the Breathalyzer again!”
***
A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”
The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”
The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”
The woman, “OK, I’m a prostitute.”
“No, that is still too crude. Try again.” They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?”
“Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”
No user commented in " Jokes "
Follow-up comment rss or Leave a Trackback